Now or Never

Dear Drew,

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we're
having doubts about whether we should stay together.
We dated briefly for a year and a half (long distance)
when I was 19 but it ended badly and we only decided
to give it a second chance when we were both 21 after
agreeing to be more mature and to value each other the
way we both deserved.

Since then, things have been going pretty well - we
live in the same city, my boyfriend is supportive,
affectionate, and caring, I get along with his family,
and through the course of our relationship, we've even
become best friends. However, now that we're 23, we're
starting to mature even more as individuals and we're
starting to grow into different people with different
interests. For example, I love to dance but his body
issues prevent him from even wanting to slow dance
with me at social functions. For him, he would like to
move to Latin America after falling in love with a
particular country, but since I would never be able to
live in that hot of a climate, he agreed to only live
there for 6 months and then come back. Eventually,
through an open discussion, I expressed that sometimes
I get bored with the same relationship routine,
whereas he expressed that he would like more space and
to have us both be more independent in the
relationship so that it could be healthier and less
boring for me (since I would have more outside
interests.) At the time, we also decided not to break
up because it seemed like the easy way out, but now
that I've had more time to think about it, I'm not as
sure.

My question is, do we stick together in this
relationship/best friendship and try to grow and work
through our differences, or do we acknowledge that we
are growing in different directions and out of respect
as best friends and lovers, end the relationship now
so that we can pursue our personal growth to our
fullest potentials without resentment and negative
feelings?

I understand that love and relationships are often
about compromise, but when do you know what to
compromise on when it comes to being in a serious
relationship and being ambitious about your dreams?
Are these two things inherently incompatible when you
are young and in your early twenties?

- Wanting the best for everyone

Dear Wanting The Best For Everyone,

You've reached a place of maturity and understanding that many couples do not. You don't hate each others guts, you don't grind on each others nerves 24/7, or force one another to complain to your friends at length about each other's pet peeves.

Instead, you've realized what each of you needs that you aren't getting in this relationship.

It seems you both are aware of what the next step is, but are both afraid of taking it. You should be. No break is clean, no separation is painless, no matter how even a keel things start out. It will be difficult.

Yet you're already aware of the fact that, at 23, you don't need to be settling for a future with someone comfortable when you may want something more. You both have started growing into adults, and now is the time to identify what you want in your adult lives, and to seek out those traits, qualities, and freedoms.

If you're meant for one another, you'll both find your way back, but as I'm sure you both know deep down, now is not the time for excluding possibilities.

Personally I'm of the mind that people do not change the core of who they are, which is why I've never been an on-again/off-again kind of guy in relationships. The problems that lead to one breakup usually reappear when a couple gets back together.

I also hate going through the same breakup twice.

I've said it before and I'll say it again; youth is not a time for giving up on your dreams. Youth is about allowing yourself the room and the respect to explore, understand and pursue what you want in your life. We have to be thankful for the ones who come into our lives for a brief time and make us happy, before we're torn apart and left with a clearer vision of what we want next time love gives us a shot.

Life should not be experienced in a state of fear. Life is an adventure.

Enjoy every single second of it.

Send all of your questions to askdrewlindo@gmail.com.