Beyond the sunset...
Dear Drew,
I am currently in a 2 year relationship that for all intensive purposes is going really well. The problem is, in 1 month I will be going off to grad school across the country, thus ending my relationship with him. Like I said, everything between us is fab, but at are age we realize a long distance relationship will never work, so me going off to school will act as our clean break. Now here’s the rub; this past summer before leaving for school I took a summer job to save up money and (this wasn’t really my plan) I developed a mutual attraction with a coworker. I am very attracted to him and he in turn is attracted to me. Come on, a girl knows when he’s sending out the vibes. For the entirety of the summer it didn’t escalate passed harmless flirting. All the while, in the back of my head, I knew at the end of the summer the relationship with my boyfriend would be over and in 1 short month I would be openly be allowed to see other guys. Now, recent events have expired and next week there is a huge employee party, packed with alcohol, music, beds, and NOT my boyfriend. I think you get the picture. Flirting at work is one thing, but 2 attractive people of the opposite sex, at night time, mixed with alcohol, and one of them is leaving for good equals disaster. I know on paper its wrong. I feel like I’m behind the wheel of a car accelerating towards a brick wall, but I can’t take my foot off the gas peddle. Like I said, there is nothing inherently wrong with my current relationship, but the fact that it’s going to be over in 1 month makes me wonder if I can hook up with this coworker for one night with no strings attached. My boyfriend won’t be effected because he’ll never have to find out so it won’t get hurt and our relationship will be over in 1 month anyway. Should I let the affair play out or nip it in the butt? I don’t want to look back and wonder if I should of acted differently. What do I do, Drew? What do I do?
Hopelessly Confused
You could start by being honest with yourself. Are you looking forward to this "clean break?" Have you already begun distancing yourself from him? Do you want freedom, attention, and the rush of something new?
It sounds like it.
It also sounds like you want the best of both worlds: the rush of a forbidden fling with your coworker, mixed with the security of having someone at your side all month-long until you ride off into the sunset.
Not going to work. It will require a choice. So here's the real rub: most breaks aren't that clean, no matter how well you slice below the artery. There is always emotional overflow, and there is always a healthy amount of cleaning up to do.
Maybe the impact of losing this relationship won't hit you now. Maybe you won't miss him until after your second or third week, or after the first cool, new guy you meet doesn't call.
So here's what you have to ask yourself: how do you want to spend the rest of your time there? Do you want to hold onto your lover until you're forced to let go, or do you want to start the separation early and go a little wild? Either choice will have a consequence.
As for cheating, let me put it this way, infidelity is one act you don't want to have on your conscience, EVER, no matter who finds out. Not only for the moral obligation, but the superiority complex as well. In my mind, fidelity is the ultimate ego-boost and argument ammunition: "At least I've never cheated."
Come on. How sexy is that to be able to say? How effing righteous could you feel about yourself to know that yes, you've been tempted, but no, you did not give in. You fought the urges and respected the bond of trust you've forged with your partner.
Thats worth hundreds of thousands of ego points, and absolutely zero guilt points.
So its up to you. Your life in that town, as you know it, is limited. You get to decide what note to go out on. Trying to have it all...might lead to a rougher takeoff. Your boyfriend will hurt whether you break up with him now or later. You both will hurt, no matter how you try to slice it. But certain actions poison worse than others, and landing in the arms of another is knowledge he shouldn't have to deal with.
What do you want? To sabotage something too stable for its own good? To feel powerful, attractive, and wanted?
This is a choice you have to make on your own. But remember that there is always a morning after. A moment passes, and a new reality sets in. If you make the jump for your coworker, understand the risk, and that it will change things. Everything.
Then again...some girls just want to be corrupted by the forbidden. I'd say your youth is the best time to get that out of the way.
Send all of your questions to askdrewlindo@gmail.com.
I am currently in a 2 year relationship that for all intensive purposes is going really well. The problem is, in 1 month I will be going off to grad school across the country, thus ending my relationship with him. Like I said, everything between us is fab, but at are age we realize a long distance relationship will never work, so me going off to school will act as our clean break. Now here’s the rub; this past summer before leaving for school I took a summer job to save up money and (this wasn’t really my plan) I developed a mutual attraction with a coworker. I am very attracted to him and he in turn is attracted to me. Come on, a girl knows when he’s sending out the vibes. For the entirety of the summer it didn’t escalate passed harmless flirting. All the while, in the back of my head, I knew at the end of the summer the relationship with my boyfriend would be over and in 1 short month I would be openly be allowed to see other guys. Now, recent events have expired and next week there is a huge employee party, packed with alcohol, music, beds, and NOT my boyfriend. I think you get the picture. Flirting at work is one thing, but 2 attractive people of the opposite sex, at night time, mixed with alcohol, and one of them is leaving for good equals disaster. I know on paper its wrong. I feel like I’m behind the wheel of a car accelerating towards a brick wall, but I can’t take my foot off the gas peddle. Like I said, there is nothing inherently wrong with my current relationship, but the fact that it’s going to be over in 1 month makes me wonder if I can hook up with this coworker for one night with no strings attached. My boyfriend won’t be effected because he’ll never have to find out so it won’t get hurt and our relationship will be over in 1 month anyway. Should I let the affair play out or nip it in the butt? I don’t want to look back and wonder if I should of acted differently. What do I do, Drew? What do I do?
Hopelessly Confused
You could start by being honest with yourself. Are you looking forward to this "clean break?" Have you already begun distancing yourself from him? Do you want freedom, attention, and the rush of something new?
It sounds like it.
It also sounds like you want the best of both worlds: the rush of a forbidden fling with your coworker, mixed with the security of having someone at your side all month-long until you ride off into the sunset.
Not going to work. It will require a choice. So here's the real rub: most breaks aren't that clean, no matter how well you slice below the artery. There is always emotional overflow, and there is always a healthy amount of cleaning up to do.
Maybe the impact of losing this relationship won't hit you now. Maybe you won't miss him until after your second or third week, or after the first cool, new guy you meet doesn't call.
So here's what you have to ask yourself: how do you want to spend the rest of your time there? Do you want to hold onto your lover until you're forced to let go, or do you want to start the separation early and go a little wild? Either choice will have a consequence.
As for cheating, let me put it this way, infidelity is one act you don't want to have on your conscience, EVER, no matter who finds out. Not only for the moral obligation, but the superiority complex as well. In my mind, fidelity is the ultimate ego-boost and argument ammunition: "At least I've never cheated."
Come on. How sexy is that to be able to say? How effing righteous could you feel about yourself to know that yes, you've been tempted, but no, you did not give in. You fought the urges and respected the bond of trust you've forged with your partner.
Thats worth hundreds of thousands of ego points, and absolutely zero guilt points.
So its up to you. Your life in that town, as you know it, is limited. You get to decide what note to go out on. Trying to have it all...might lead to a rougher takeoff. Your boyfriend will hurt whether you break up with him now or later. You both will hurt, no matter how you try to slice it. But certain actions poison worse than others, and landing in the arms of another is knowledge he shouldn't have to deal with.
What do you want? To sabotage something too stable for its own good? To feel powerful, attractive, and wanted?
This is a choice you have to make on your own. But remember that there is always a morning after. A moment passes, and a new reality sets in. If you make the jump for your coworker, understand the risk, and that it will change things. Everything.
Then again...some girls just want to be corrupted by the forbidden. I'd say your youth is the best time to get that out of the way.
Send all of your questions to askdrewlindo@gmail.com.
1 Comments:
I can't remember how I stumbled here. But reading through your question-answers... I have realized many things about my current life. Perhaps they are decisions I already knew, but are too afraid to commit to. I cannot hold on to the past.
Damn, Drew, you smart!
Thank you, without saying a word, you helped someone else today.
By Amy Nieto, at 11:55 AM
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